Going through a divorce is a affair as you separate from the person you once loved in an ugly circumstance and have a life full of regrets.
Nor many people come clean regarding the actual reasons for their parting ways as it makes them vulnerable and sometimes the scapegoat for the destruction of marriage. But fortunately, one man had the true fortitude to come forward and share all he thought he could have done better to save his marriage and his pointers can be used as advice to all the couples who may be going through the same rough patch in their marital lives.
1. Keep Dating Her, Even After The Marriage
It’s a typical male habit that once they have married their love of their lives and claimed as their wives, they soon start taking them for granted. Once married she is expected to be the model wife and nothing more. If you want to keep your wife stop acting like a Bi-polar fool and remain consistent as you were for her before.
2. Keep Falling In Love With Her Again And Again
People change over the years maybe you were this extremely loving man, patient and romantic when you married but after few years you became boring about everything about her. Your compliments and appreciations have dried off and trust me it will get worse by the years.
Stop it right now and remind her why you both fell in love at the first place and spend quality time together. Otherwise, as you grow more distant (men usually use their work as their silly excuse) … your wife will move on to someone else.
3. Don’t Try To Change Her
Remember you were charmed by her real personality and character in the first place so why try to change something which you already love? Over the years every person naturally changes in habits, thoughts, attitudes but so do you. So, the idea is to embrace the changes which are occurring gracefully and with love and remember at core she is the same girl whom you fell in love with and married for life!
4. See The Best In Her Every Day
It’s just the simple way to approach your love life and your partner, if you just concentrate on her faults and shortcomings you would be annoyed, overtly irritated and lash out at her always. Whereas if you try ignoring the faults and look at all the good things about her, you’ll find she is one in a million, the reason for which you chose her to be yours it the first place.
5. Never Ever Blame Her For Something That Made You Angry
Some men are simply stupid as they blame and lash out at their wives for silly things going wrong with their jobs or life and take their frustration on them for no reason. If the laptop is not working or the dues are not paid in time, just go and bark at your wife for something or the other, insult her cooking or living habits. This is just plain cowardice and feeble act of bullying which is asking for big trouble. If there is a problem share it with your partner and listen to her if she has any suggestions. Never dismiss her by saying she has no clue about problems or life in general as this is insulting the intellect of the wife.
6. Control Your Own Emotions
Your wife is not exactly paid to entertain you or act like a clown every time you come back from work in a bad mood. She is your partner not your pet. It’s your job to be mature in your emotional control and try to share your happiness and problems in a respectful manner like a true partnership. Brooding, blaming, acting moody shutting yourself away makes the relation with only one person to left to run the whole show and trust me she will not do it for long if you are making a habit of it.
7. Stay Silly
Both of your sense of humour drew you close when you fell in love, then why that laugh and smile once you are married? Just because you have jobs and responsibilities that does not mean you cannot be silly with each other as usual and can’t laugh about everything especially the circus called life? Moment you lose that humour, you lose your marriage as well.
8. Let Her Be
The biggest mistake men do is to belittle the problems their wives face at home or work; they have this nasty habit of comparing them with their problems and saying “what would you have done if you were at my place if such small issues are bothering you so much? Or better still, the prize for the meanest response goes to “with this weak attitude you will never be able to do anything worthwhile in your life, rest of the ladies are doing it why can’t you?” Those hurtful, insulting words are actually walking all over her esteem.
She does not need your sarcasm but support and advice. Don’t complain later that your wife is always distant and never shares her problems or accomplishments with you ever.
9. Be Present
When you decide to spend quality time with your wife, treat her as the most important person in your life because as matter of fact, she is. Be it watching TV or movies of her choice to eating out in a Mexican diner because she loves it. You should be completely invested in her as she is in you and listen when she shares her heart out to you because she loves you. Don’t act as if it’s a chore that you must perform and you have much better things to do later on, because she will guess as much and your chance of bonding is gone.
10. She Needs Space, So Give It To Her
Let her spread her wings when she is too tired and takes a break from kids and taking care of her house, you and her work. If she wants an alone vacation, a shopping spree or visit to parlour, theatre or book store let her be. She will return fulfilled, rejuvenated and happy and trust me that’s all you want. Loosen up all the strings attached to her for a while.
11. Be Fully Open And Transparent To Her
In a marriage nothing should be hidden, bare your soul to her. Let her see all your scars as well beauty. If she is fine with all your faults, she is a keeper because she will trust you with her soul too and open up her darkest secrets to you as well. Never be judgmental of her past mistakes and use it against her and lose that precious trust.
12. Forgive Instantly
Unless doomed with really serious stuffs like plague or minor riffs and arguments should never be entertained for long. Resolve them as soon as possible and leave it behind. Move forward and do not let small disagreements burden your moving ahead with your life.
13. Keep Growing Together
Like everything important a relationship also needs constant work and attention like a flower which needs constant air and water. Trust, respect, understanding and forgiveness are important for the growth of any individual as well as 2 people in relation.
14. Choose Love…Always!
At the end of the day it is love which lives on and binds two people together from the altar to the grave. This love creates a beautiful family which also spreads the joys forwards to the next generations and so on. So, live in love and let nothing else come in between that.
This is how people reacted to this post:
Andrew – Relationship advice: When your crush texts you, win them over by playing hard to get. Throw your phone in a river. Change your name. Move to Nigeria.
Eric Taylor – My parents have been married for 47 years. Not once did they ever go to bed angry at one another. They had brawl lots of but they always made up before bed time. They never once disrespected each other. They disagreed a lot but the never called each other mean names and they were never disrespectful.
Cato102 – Why are people saying “Why are we getting marriage advice from people who were bad at it?” Dude, are you stupid? They’re telling you what to do from their mistakes.
DomI – “Don’t marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can’t live without” – some priest at my ex friends wedding
Debbie Lough – Best advice I was ever given – don’t hold grudges. Ever. No matter how bad things get (and I have ptsd, things have gotten pretty bad on occasion). Told to me by my Nana, who was married for 33 years.
This Article Was First Published on healthdruggy.com