“Sugar babies aren’t paid. They’re given gifts.” “For me, sugar dating is not a job. It’s not a profession. It’s just a choice of my lifestyle that I want to live.” A sugar baby Are sugar babies girlfriends? It seems that they walk a thin line between the two.
A “sugar baby” is someone who receives “gifts” including cash in exchange for company – which can include it, but doesn’t have to.
A “sugar daddy,” a person who gives such “gifts,” is typically wealthier and older than the sugar baby. The case of “sugar mommas” is rarer, probably since women are less willing to pay for it.
Sugaring is also present. I focus here on the most common relation between sugar babies and sugar daddies. Some sugar daddies provide “allowances,” namely, a fixed amount every week or month, and some pay by date.
Sometimes, there is no agreement, and the sugar baby relies on the gifting whims of the sugar daddy. Some sugar daddies want to meet several times a week; others prefer once a month. Those more interested in companionship tend to gift their sugar babies with a monthly support, and those more interested in tend to gift them with cash on a date-by-date basis.
Seeking Arrangement, a premier site for arrangements, indicates that the average sugar daddy is 38 years old and earns $250,000 annually, while the average sugar baby is 25 years old and receives $2,800 monthly from their daddies. Sugaring has become increasingly popular in the past few decades, especially among students. There are many sites for this purpose, which are used by millions of people.
Although it is indeed common in sugaring, not all sugar daddies seek such relations. Similarly, although most sugar babies engage in sugaring in order to meet their expenses, some are hoping for a serious relationship—yet, in many cases, the sugar daddy is married.
Self-esteem can be a tricky issue for both sugar babies and daddies. A sugar daddy does not want to feel like he is a john. Sugaring aims for mutual respect between the partners. This is reflected in the sugaring terminology of “partner” rather than “worker” and “client”—although sugar babies are clearly the weaker partner. Indeed, while people speak about “ordering,” they speak about “meeting” or “dating” a sugar baby.
Maren Scull 2020 has identified a range of sugaring types: at one end of the continuum and at the other end there is sugar friendship and sugar love. Further claims that 40% of women who have sugared do not have it with their benefactors—and that those who do often have genuine connections with the men.
What is really like to be a sugar baby?
Here are some answers to this question from sugar babies. “A sugar baby has to be able to play girlfriend to a wide variety of men, not to mention have some abilities worth paying for. It’s actually a pretty challenging job. 90% of it is being able to talk about anything, while making him feel like the center and king of your universe.”
“I’ve certainly had my fair share that I enjoyed them. Sht. Now I’m wishing I had been paid for all of that.” “While companionship and the ability to social situations is incredibly important to succeed as a sugar baby, I do wish people would stop.” “I don’t enjoy, and I definitely enjoy indulging in a relationship, but wouldn’t consider something permanent with any of the men I’ve been on sugar dates with.” “In sugaring, you have to put up with some awful and boring dates, and some pretty old guys, etc., while acting like you’re having a good time.”
Is sugaring pro-stitution?
“I give them what they want — a girl to accompany them to events. I understand the game. They’re men. And I want their money.” Maggie, a sugar baby Here are a few ways in which sugaring differs from pr-ostitution and romantic relations.
1. Greater complexity.
It typically involves a one-time, relatively brief activity, the essence of which is receiving money for favors. Romantic relations involve multidimensional, ongoing interactions. Sugaring has aspects of both types of relations, though in a somewhat “lighter” form. Unlike it, the life of sugar babies does not revolve only around the sugar world; on the contrary, sugaring is often meant to support other significant activities of the women.
2. Money and romance.
Sugaring involves receiving money and gifts for favors. However, while pro-stituting begins and ends with this one-time exchange, sugaring is much more than this: It also involves romantic activities, thereby leaving open the possibility of morphing into a long-term relation, and in rare cases even marriage.
Sugaring, compared to it, allows for greater freedom in partner choice. Thus, while in it there are often pimps, who “protect” and locate customers for her, sugaring features no such middlemen—partnering is mainly accomplished through online sites.
4. Repetition and development.
Lacks meaningful development. In sugaring, there is a relationship although it’s typically quite shallow that endures and develops over time, thus enabling the partners to potentially get to know and bring out the best in each other.
The enduring aspect, which is expressed in the behavior is extremely significant for the development of enduring, profound love Ben-Ze’ev, 2019. Relatedly, sugar daddies want their sugar baby to stay around after the act, whereas it is expected to leave after the deed is done.
5. Commitment and trust.
The issues of commitment and trust are significant in romantic relations and hardly, if at all, present in it. Commitment and trust exist in sugaring, but in a limited manner. Thus, the number of partners in sugaring is much fewer than in it, and the relationship is more personal. The above features are also relevant to the difference between sugaring and romantic relations.
Romantic relations are much more complex than sugaring. Money is of lesser concern and romance of the greater one. Romantic relations offer greater freedom in partner choice, and development is much more meaningful in such relations – as are commitment and trust.
The risk in sugaring
“The safest road to H-ell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.” —C. S. Lewis Sugaring is situated somewhere and features some of the advantages and drawbacks of both. The moral and practical implications of sugaring are beyond the scope of this discussion, but I will mention some of the risks involved.
Experts indicate that sugar babies generally do not have control over the relationship, which can turn ex-ploitative. Moreover, because sugaring seems safer than it and the involved coercion is subtler, women are less likely to identify its risks. Indeed, many young people have a lighthearted, candy-coated view of “sugaring,” which may make them more susceptible to scams and predators.
Sugar babies are in enticing circumstances where once they take the first step on the risky slippery slope, they often slide all the way down the hill. Hence, sugaring may be more unsafe to women and society in some ways. Sugaring may be disparaged for blurring important moral boundaries, thereby increasing risks and marrying romantic love. Clear-cut categories can be quite nice. They impart a sense of stability to our often-rocky reality.
But life is infrequently clear-cut, and our attitudes and practices ought to reflect that truth. In my recent book, The Arc of Love, I claim that the romantic realm is becoming increasingly more flexible and diverse.
Sugaring is one expression of this diversity; hence, it is unlikely that we can stop this trend; on the contrary, it may grow in the future. Abandoning, in the romantic realm, the clear-cut good-bad dichotomy, while realizing the presence of 50 or more shades of grey, is not the end of the world—although it has its risks.
This is how people reacted to this post:
Sinan Bodur: “If nothing will happen to me, why do people establish relationships with rules like age and income similarity? People should live whatever they want if they are both. Why people only consider fit same age or social status relationships? Elderlies have to live and share the life with only elderlies?”
Liz Xu: “Ideal is a perfect balance of take and give, someone giving and be appreciated. But human is human, we always expect more, maybe in the end, things will go ugly.”
Amy Teo: “Judge not.
Could it not in few rare occasions the older man has time for her, treats or give her the listening ears better than men her age. These days , in many situations , younger men are still babies . Anyway, what is your business if the scenario is such. You live yr own life & let others live theirs”
Donald Okiyo: “We live in a crazy world out there and while some believes what ever they do doesn’t really matter, as long as the end justify the means”
Sandy Sanford: “I dont think there’s much of a difference at all just a difference in the awareness of it or a complete lack there of.”
Dan Lnd: “My brother could pretend that it all had value and meaning, until one Thanksgiving. He sat in a small town Casino realizing that only losers are alone in that kind of casino on Thanksgiving, in his own words. All the girls went home to their families. And anyone who had anyone spent it with people who cared about them.”
Samira – How are girls gonna say.
Im tired of dating a broke guys. When the girls are so broke they cant afford anything for themselves
Adrienne Brown – If he don’t want to be a Sugar Daddy term why is he doing in Seeking Arrangement website. And he should go to another dating website.
Jacob – You are a very intelligent! I have a friend who participates in such actions and I fear for her safety! I don’t like to tell people how to live, but I do like to inform them of the dangers. As a young woman yourself, is it misogynistic in any way to merely inform her of the as you said perfectly, inherent dangers and of these activities? As you can see by my channel, I’m a nerd so I don’t know very much about what may be con-strewed that way. Definitely earns my sub!
This article was originally published on the psychologytoday.com